Knocked Up Bleach Style
by Genostar10
Summary: Byakuya and Rukia were at a dance club, but something weird happens.  Now Rukia's pregnant.  A rich story full of humor and drama.  Rated: M!  PLEASE, NO FLAMING!
1. Prologue

**Prologue - **_**Knocked Up**_

**It was around 10:00 P.M. at Zenny's Night Club, and it was getting crunk. On the dance floor was a tall man with long black hair and white, glass kenseikans on his bangs. His name was Byakuya Kuchiki, and he had been cutting rug for about two hours now. He had a whistle in his mouth and was holding glow sticks and was breaking it down. "Is that even legal?" said one of the audience members. Byakuya continued to dance for a while and became so tired he just had to sit down. He found a small sofa and sat down. Sweat was dripping off his forehead. Someone sat down next to him but he was too tired to care. "Nii-Sama?" said a familiar voice. "RUKIA?" said anstonishingly. "Yes, I never excepted to you here Nii-Sama," replied Rukia. Byakuya had drank some tequila earlier and was now very buzzed. "So, what are you doing here Rukia?" Byakuya began to put his arm on the sofa behind her. "I just came to have a good time tonight, work has been heavy, and today is my day off, so I want to get as much fun as I can tonight." Byakuya smiled. "What kind of fun did she have in her mind?" thought Byakuya. Rukia collapsed in his arms from what seemed to be a lot of stress. **

**Byakuya smiled and picked her up and carried her to his **_**Mercedes Benz. **_**He sat her in the passenger seat and got in the car. He cranked up the car and headed toward his house, while his two fuzzy dice toys jingled from their hung position on the car mirror. Byakuya pulled into the driveway and got Rukia out of the car. He headed up his steps and into the house. He sat Rukia down and cursed to himself. He ran back outside and stood on his porch and aimed a small black device at his car. Two high pitched noises were made and the sound of the locks clicked and he returned inside. He sat Rukia on his bed and closed the door. **

**The next morning. Rukia yawned and woke up, and wondered where she was. "This definitely isn't my house, it's so ugly, whoever owns this house definitely has no sense of style." Rukia turned over, and she looked at Byakuya directly at his closed eyes. "AHHHHHHHHH!!!" screamed Rukia. Byakuya jumped up out of bed, revealing himself... "Nii-Sama, do you mind telling me...WHY ARE YOU NAKED!?" Byakuya blushed. Rukia was about to question Byakuya a bit more, but she pulled the blanket off of her, and the room became silent. She looked down, and she was naked... **


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1 - **_**Pregnancy Test**_

**"Cat got your tongue? Tell me why we are naked...at your house...in bed...Oh god, did I really just say that? I think I am going to be sick, anyways tell me why!" Rukia was furious. "Ummmm, I don't know, last night at the club, I got a little tipsy, I guess I brought you home and..." Byakuya was interrupted by Rukia. "Did we...? Ummmm, you know..." "Do it? Yes, I think we did, I'm not sure, I was a bit drunk." Rukia punched Byakuya. "OWWW! What was that for? Oh yeah, nevermind..." "As long as you wore a condom and we tell no one about this, we'll be fine." "What's a condom?" asked Byakuya. "I am so screwed... Do you realize what you have done?" "What do you mean, what could happen, it was just the horizontal monster mash." Rukia punched Byakuya again. "Now you're going to have to tell me why you hit me that time, because I really don't know." "How could my sister have married such a knucklehead as you..." "I resent that!!!" Rukia punched Byakuya once again. "Why did you punch me that time!?" "Just because I felt like it... Anyways, we have to get to Wal-Mart ASAP!" "Why?" asked Byakuya.**

**Later that day at Wal-Mart. Rukia was walking around looking for something in particular and Byakuya was too scared to ask. "Ahah!" Rukia said. "What is it sister?" "A pregancy test, knucklehead." "Rukia, how do girls get pregant?" asked Byakuya. "YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!" "Well, just tell me and forget I asked." "Well... Let me put it in words that you can understand. Girls get pregnant from the "Horizontal Monster Mash" "Oh...OH SHIT... Doesn't that mean...?" "Yes, it does, I could be pregnant." "I'll be right back, I have to go change my underpants." "CHANGE WHEN WE GET HOME, NOW HELP ME FIND A PREGNANCY TEST!" "Whats a...?" "DON'T...EVEN...ASK...Oh look, I found it" Rukia picked up a box that read, KnockedUpCheckerInABox, can give accurate results within the first hours of intercourse. Rukia picked up about twenty boxes. "Lets roll." They went and paid and went back to the car and drove all the way back to Byakuya's house.**

**At Byakuya's house, "Finally! I changed my underpants!" "Woo hoo..." replied Rukia. "I'm going to be in here for an hour, so don't talk to me." "But...Rukia" "BITCH, YOU HEARD ME!" Byakuya sighed and went to the kitched. He pulled out some flour, cornmeal, milk and water. He then put on a chef's hat and an apron that said "Kiss The Cook." Byakuya was going to make pancakes. Byakuya mixed the ingredients into a jar and poured them onto the frying pan. He began to flip them into the air over and over. "This is fun!" he said to himself. Not knowing his own strength, he flipped one so hard it went through the roof and left a massive whole. "Oh shit...I wonder if anyone will notice." Byakuya began to make more pancakes and got out some syrup. He sat at the table and began to eat. By the time he finished an hour was up. He went to the door of the bathroom and opened it. She was sitting on the toilet seat with an angry expression on her face. "Do you know what you did to me!?" "I didn't do it! Ichigo did it!" "I already know about the dog raining incident, I meant this..." Rukia holds up a blue strip to Byakuya's eyes. "What does the plus sign mean?"**


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 - **_**Ultrasound**_

**It was early morn at Byakuya's house, and the clock just struck 9:00 A.M. Suddenly, loud beeping noises filled the ears of Rukia. She hit the clock so hard it flashed 6:66 before falling into pieces. She leaned straight up and checked Byakuya's bed to see if Byakuya was in bed with her, again... Relieved to see a Byakuya free bed, she got up and went in to the living room. Byakuya was asleep on the bed in a fetal position. There were bruises all over his body from the night before, thanks to the, "What's the plus sign mean?" incident. Rukia went to the kitchen and pulled out some coffee filters and some coffee grounds. She opened the coffee pot's top and placed a filter inside, poured two tablespoons of grounds into the pot, and then put some water into the back. She then pressed a button and the coffee began to brew. She turned around to go wake up Byakuya, but when she turned around, Byakuya was standing there with an evil look on his face. Rukia saw a faint glint of something shiny in his hand, she thought it was a knife. She ran to the other side of the kitchen while Byakuya was speaking, "Who wants something soft and brown inside them?" Rukia was frightened, as Byakuya came closer. She brushed her back against the wall and felt something small and pointy, she turned around and found the light switch. Rukia flicked the switch on, then suddenly light illuminated the whole room. Rukia turned to Byakuya, and what she saw didn't make her scared no more, but more angry than ever. Byakuya was dressed in a chef's hat, wore an apron that read "Spank My Pancakes," and help up a spatula that shined even more brightly with the light. "WHO'S UP FOR SOME PANCAKES! They're soft and brown, you can't help but gobble them up!" Rukia round house kicked Byakuya in the face. Byakuya squirmed on the ground like he was having a concussion. Then Rukia sat down and said, "I want extra syrup on mine..." Byakua recovered himself, stood up, and began working his magic. Within five minutes, Rukia had the food she wanted in front of her. When Byakuya sat the plate down in front of her, Rukia tossed him a coin. Byakuya caught it, both of them holding serious faces like nothing happened. Rukia downed her pancakes, and then told Byakuya, "Last night, before we went to bed, I called and scheduled a doctor's appointment. Get bathed and dressed we have to be there by 12:00 A.M." Rukia went to the upstairs bathroom and Byakuya took downstairs. Byakuya was quick when he took showers. As soon as he was in, he was out. When Rukia was halfway in her shower Byakuya was finished and was using the bathroom. He flushed the toilet and pulled up his pants and began to brush his hair. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! HOT HOT HOT!" screamed Rukia. "What was that?" Byakuya looked out the door and saw nothing. "Must've been the wind." Byakuya continued to comb his hair, and then was suddenly interrupted by a nude Rukia. Rukia was skin red... literally, she was red all over. "Byakuya... did you flush the toilet...?" "Yes, me make number two." said Byakuya cheerfully. Rukia went to a box in the living room corner, not even thinking about her "nudeness," while Byakuya divided his bangs into threes and began attaching his kenseikans. At the box, Rukia pulled out a broken bat, "Used it..." a golf club, bent to match the shape of Byakuya's head, "Used it..." Then she pulled out a knightstick. "...Perfect..." Moments later... "Byakuya, could you come here for a sec?" "Sure thing Sis." Byakuya trotted out of the bathroom, not expecting what was about to happen next. BAM! Rukia wailed Byakuya's face and he fell on the ground. Byakuya tried to run, but Rukia pinned him to the ground. "STOP RESISTING! I'M A COP!"**

**After Rukia finished getting ready, and a couple more bruises, Byakuya and Rukia made their way to the **_**Mercedes Benz **_**and began their drive to the doctor's office. "Hungry?" asked Byakuya. "Pull over..." said Rukia. Byakuya came to a slow halt and Rukia opened her door and threw up. "I'll take that as a no then..." Byakuya continued to drive and Rukia replied to his question, "I am kind of hungry, can we get some McDonald's?" "SURE!" Byakuya drove to the nearest McDonald's and went to the drive-in. "Welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order?" "Are you still serving breakfast?" asked Byakuya. "Yes," replied the lady. "I'll take three dozen blueberry pancakes, and Rukia, perhaps a salad?" "I'LL HAVE SEVEN BIG MACS AND FOUR LARGE ONION RINGS!" replied Rukia. "Seriously, where does she put all that?" Byakuya thought to himself. "It will be $47.54, please pull up to the second window." Byakuya pulls out a fifty dollar bill and went up to the next window. "Thank you for your time, have a nice day." Byakuya pulled out five pancakes and began chomping, while Rukia chowwed down onion rings and a Big Mac. **

**"We're here!" said Byakuya as they pulled into the hospital parking lot. Rukia and Byakuya got out of the car and went to the receptionist. "I'm here for my appointment with Dr... BlEcHhHh!" Rukia threw up on the ground. "Wow, you're really sick, no wonder you needed to see the doctor. "Miss, there is no Dr. BlEcHhHh that works here." Rukia slapped her face then wiped away the vomit. "I meant Dr. Ichimaru..." said Rukia. "Oh you must be Rukia, your hear for your appointment for an ultrasound, right?" "Correct." Rukia and Byakuya followed the lady to their room. Inside the room was some doctor's equipment and a cot. "Have a seat here, and the doctor will be in shortly...BITCH!!!!!!" "Ummm... excuse me lady, what did you say?" asked Rukia angrily. "Sorry, that was my tourettes." "Oh, its okay then." As the lady left she muttered, "whore..." lowly so Rukia couldn't hear. "Why are we here Rukia?" asked Byakuya. "Well, as you know, I am pregnant, thanks to the horizontal monster mash... and I wanted to find out if the baby is a boy or girl." "Oh..." After about eight minutes, Dr. Ichimaru walked in with his clip board. "Ahah, Rukia Kuchiki, pregnant are we? Well lets not waste time, lets get started." The doctor began to setup some high tech equipment, while Byakuya watched in amazement. "Okay Rukia, I'm going to need you to lift your shirt up over your belly." Rukia did as the doctor asked. Byakuya then poked Rukia's belly and said, "Hi baby! Can you hear me?" Rukia sighed. "I think he's sleeping, he didn't say anything." The doctor pulled up a screen, and a small flat bottomed device. He then turned the monitor on and rubbed the the device over her stomach. Everything was so weird looking, and Byakuya nor Rukia could figure out what it was. "Ahah, there's the spot." "You see the embryo right here? It seems to be chewing on a circular object." "I believe that is an onion ring..." said Byakuya. The doctor began to mark circles on the monitor and then closed it in so Rukia could see the screen better. "There's a head, there's a head, and there's a head," said the doctor. "Ummmm... Could you repeat that? I think my mind is playing tricks on me." "Certainly, there's a head, there's a head, and there's a head." "Shit..."**

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**How do you like the story? Please give me reviews telling me what you like and what you suggest I put for later chapters, Reviews are my friends! Thanks for the couple of comments I've already recieved, keep them coming!**


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 - **_**Raging Hormones**_

**Three months passed since the day of the ultrasound, and it's been tough Byakuya. Instead of giving you a boring lecture... I'm just going to let you see what kind of pain he's going through for yourself. It was a late night at Byakuya's house. Rukia had given up on her house and moved in with Byakuya, since he was going to have to help her take care of the kids when they were born, but that wasn't the problem of the current situation... "I WANT ICE-CREAM!" screamed Rukia. "Coming dear!" Byakuya shouted to her from the kitchen. Rukia's pregnancy hormones kicked in about a month ago and Byakuya wasn't liking it one bit. Byakuya did something she asked him to do, she said he did it wrong, she yells at him, then the process repeats. "I WANTED STRAWBERRY! NOT VANILLA!" "We don't have any strawberry, dear..." Rukia's left eye starts to twitch, then she looks at another direction other than Byakuya's. "I guess you'll have to go get some, won't you." Rukia looked at him. Byakuya was so scared, the only thing that came out of his mouth was... "I'm on it." **

**An hour passed... Byakuya pulled up and parked the car, he carried a bag up the steps and open the door. "Honey! I got the Ice-Cream!" When Byakuya walked in, Rukia was no where to be found. He looked all over and finally he saw her sitting at the kitchen table. He walked up to her and said, "Rukia?" She didn't move. "Rukia... are you okay?" Byakuya waved his hand in front of her face and still... she didn't move. Rukia was staring at one direction and no matter what, she didn't move or blink. Byakuya walked over to the freezer to store the Ice-Cream, then he slipped on something on the ground. It was an orange bottle full of pills. Byakuya read the bottle and on the label in big bold letter, it read, "Valium." Rukia was knocked out.**

**Byakuya woke up, actually able to sleep on his own bed for once. He went to the refrigerator and got a glass of milk. He sat at the table, ignoring Rukia's disturbing glare, and drank his milk. Suddenly, Byakuya clapped his hands and Rukia blinked. "Hey...Where am I?" "Yep... Magic fingers..." stated Byakuya. "Oh... Good morning Nii-Sama" Byakuya felt his heart in his throat... "She is planning something... she is never this nice to me... her evil hormones are trying to control me!" Byakuya thought to himself. "You'll never get me! I'm too smart for you!" Byakuya ran out the door for dear life... Rukia began to cry... "Men are so horrible, you try to be nice to them and what do they do? They run out on you! I really wish I had some strawberry ice-cream..." Rukia went to the refrigerator to get some ice from her Valium headache. "Jackpot..."**


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 - **_**My Water Broke**_

**Three months later... "Byakuya... Hand me the remote..." "Yes dear." Byakuya had bags around his eyes. He couldn't get a lick of sleep or anything done without Rukia objecting. It was just earlier Byakuya left to go pee and Rukia stopped him before he went in the bathroom. "Where do you think you're going?" "Number one..." Rukia dragged Byakuya to the couch. "Here's a bottle... Use it!!!" Byakuya gave a strange look to Rukia. It's not going to fit in the bottle. "Oh..." Rukia went to the cabinet and pulled out a cup. "Here you go..." Rukia handed Byakuya the cup. "Ummm... Rukia it's not going to..." "Just go to the toilet already!" "Thanks!" Anyways, during the last three months, Rukia has been giving Byakuya hell. "Rukia... You really let yourself go..." Rukia threw the remote at Byakuya's head. "Byakuya... Hand me the remote... AGAIN!"Byakuya handed Rukia the remote. Rukia changed the channels and found a soap opera. Rukia watched it for about an hour and began crying. "Byakuya... come give me a hug..." Byakuya didn't refuse, otherwise he might get abused... again. "Oh God..." "What is it Rukia?" Rukia pushed Byakuya off of her and looked strangely at him... "My water broke..."**

**Byakuya rushed Rukia into the **_**Mercedes Benz, **_**and soon they were on the highway towards the hospital. "GET THESE THINGS OUT OF ME!!!" "We're almost there sweetie..." "ALMOST ISN'T ENOUGH" Byakuya got out of the car and rubbed his black eye and carried Rukia to the emergency room. "My sister, she's having a baby!" "Right this way," a lady said. Soon they found a cot and they placed Rukia on it. "Byakuya... hold my hand." They were riding really fast to the delivery room. Byakuya reached his hand out towards Rukia's and held it softly and all of a sudden, Rukia clenched Byakuya's hand and let out a loud yelp... "GET THESE THINGS OUT OF ME!!!" "GET THESE THINGS OUT OF HER...! PLEASE!" Rukia began to cry from stress. Byakuya began to cry for his upcoming pain. "AHHHHHHHHHHH!" Rukia screamed. "Oh shit... this is not good," said Byakuya...**


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 - **_**I See The Heads**_

**A couple of minutes later, Rukia was sitting on the operating bed for pregnant women. Byakuya and the doctor are standing outside of the room. "Is she going to be okay?" asked Byakuya. "Yes... Yes... She's going to be fine." Rukia wasn't dialated high enough for her baby to come yet, so Byakuya was waiting franticly. Rukia was under some hard drugs, so whe wasn't screaming now. It would probably be an hour before it was time and Byakuya did his best to stay out of the eyes of Rukia, but Byakuya knew he'd have to face her sooner or later. Byakuya sighed and went inside the room. "Oh Byakuya... come here for a second..." Byakuya's eyes became really big and shiny. "I don't want to die! I want to live!" Byakuya didn't want to face her just yet so he looked around hysterically and saw the window. Byakuya lunged through the window head first screaming, "Hell must be much better than this..." Byakuya's voice became lower and lower has he descended. "Oh great... Good thing we're near a hospital." Rukia moaned. "Oahhhhh... Damn contractions! Drugs... I need drugs!" Rukia leaned up and press the red button on her bed that signalled the nurse in. Then a lady walked in. "Oh... not you again." The nurse that came in just so happened to be the one with the tourettes that Rukia met 6 months ago. "May I help you? SHETBAG!" Rukia gained an evil smile. "Yes... Get me drugs bitch!" asked Rukia grumpily with that evil smile. "Ummm excuse me... Next time ask a little nicer." "Oh sorry, I thought you knew, I was just recently diagnosed with tourettes as well you Jew Whore..." Rukia reluctantly lied. "Oh... thats horrible! PISS IN MY ASS! Anyways what can I get you?" The nurse cracked her neck and snapped her fingers. "What the fuck was that?" "That was another one of my ticks." "Oh...FREAKY PSYCHO BITCH! Anyways, could you get Dr. Ichimaru to come here really quick?" "Sure." As the nurse walked out the door her head began to spin around and looked at Rukia while laughing and shaking her head. Rukia was freaked out. While Rukia waited for the doctor to come, she got another contraction. "OAHHHHHH! THAT DOCTOR BETTER GET HERE SOON!" Suddenly the doctor walked in. "Can I help y...WHAAAA!" Rukia grabbed his shirt collar pulled him onto the bed, shaking him vigorously. "GET ME DRUGS BITCH!" "I'm not allowed to give you any extra than what you are already medicated with." Rukia punched him directly in the jaw and he fell off the bed. Dr. Inchimaru pulled onto the side of the bed and lifted himself up. "Whatdya know... a new order came in, I'll be right back." Rukia smiled.**

**At around the same time Rukia was jacking up the doctor, there was a ruckus going on in the hallway. "Mister, please stay with us," a nurse said to Byakuya. Byakuya was now on a stretched being pulled around to a room to recover, he was fine considering Rukia's room was only about six feet from the ground so he only suffered from some mild injuries. "We're out of rooms, so you will have to share one with another person," said the nurse. "No problem, as long as you get me a lot of pain pills, I think I will manage." Byakuya closed his eyes to rest them, he was going to take a nap. While Byakuya was resting his eyes, waiting for him to fall asleep, he felt the chair stop, he knew he was in his room. Byakuya remembered the nurse said that he had a shared room, so he didn't want to be rude and take a nap. He turned over, opened his eyes, and was about to start a conversation, when the worst thing ever happened. "Welcome back, Nii-Sama." Looking Byakuya dead in the face was Rukia. "Shit... No matter how hard I try, I can't run from her!" Byakuya began to cry, when suddenly Dr. Ichimaru walked in. "Rukia I got your drugs!" The doctor saw Byakuya and wondered why he was crying. "Excuse me why are you crying?" he asked Byakuya. "That..." whimpered Byakuya as he pointed to Rukia who was in the air above him. Rukia fell on top of Byakuya and began pummeling him with fists. "This hurts me more than it does you!" "THAT'S A LIE!" stated Byakuya. "Rukia, don't you want your pills?" Rukia became sparkly eyed and got back on her bed. She then got on her knees and her tongue began to hang out like a dog. The doctor threw them in her mouth and she quickly swallowed. "In about five minutes, you'll be quickly relaxed," said Dr. Ichimaru. "We don't have that long," said Rukia. "Why?" asked Byakuya and Dr. Ichimaru. "They're coming..." replied Rukia...**

**"OAHHHHHH!" screamed Rukia. "What do I do!? What do I DO!?" panicked Byakuya. Byakuya completely ignored his injuries and was now going crazy. "HOLD MY HAND, OR I WILL DO BAD THINGS TO YOU!" said Rukia. "Please don't make me hold your hand! You'll break my hand!" Rukia made a strange gesture to Byakuya, she held her hand and made her fingers look like scissors and began making them snap. Byakuya held Rukia's hand, and Rukia gripped him back. "AHHHHHHH," screamed Byakuya, "My hand!" "I'm going to need you to breathe in and out slowly, but big deep breathes. Now... PUSH!" Rukia strained herself, and began to push her babies. After about two minutes of pushing. Byakuya and the Doctor were watching for the babies to come out. "PUSH!!!" Rukia strained herself again. "I can see a head!" said the doctor. Byakuya saw the head and fell down on the ground, fainted. After about twenty minutes, Rukia had managed to squeeze all the babies out. Rukia was asleep, the babies were in the intensive care units, and Byakuya was in a therapy session in a nearby room. It was a hard day for both of them.**

**About three hours later, Byakuya was now holding the babies and rocking them, "Awww... their so cute." Rukia was still sleeping, then she began to open her eyes. Rukia saw Byakuya holding the babies and smiled. "At least that dumbass can care for children." Byakuya looked at Rukia and saw that she was awake. "Look little ones, mommy is up!" The babies began to cry. "Calm down, she won't hurt you, she only hurts Byakuya." Byakuya went over to Rukia and handed her the babies. "They're so cute, they definitely don't take after their dad," Rukia said with a smile. Byakuya laughed, puzzled who the dad was. "Have you thought of any names?" asked the Doctor. "If Rukia doesn't mind, I would like to suggest a name," asked Byakuya. "Go ahead," she said. "Roxas," said Byakuya. Suddenly a weird girl in a Spiderman costume that said Miyu on the stomach area swang towards the window and hit smack dab againt the window. "Name wun uv dim Kairu," she muttered. Then she began to slide slowly down making a lot of squeaking noises. As Byakuya watched the girl slide down and fall about five more feet, Rukia said, "Kairu, I like that name." "So it's agreed then, the two boys are named Kairu and Roxas, what about the girl?" Suddenly a chubby lady with short black hair walked in and said, "Name her Himeka!" She smiled and said, "You're going to need a trout." Then she took a fish out of her backpack and threw it at Byakuya. As she left the room, Rukia smiled. "Himeka, I like that name too." "Its settled then, I've written the names down, are you sure these are the names you want?" "Yes," replied Rukia. Byakuya didn't pay attention to the doctor or Rukia, for he was distracted by the Spiderman girl outside who was chasing a peacock. "Byakuya, Rukia is going to have to stay here tonight, so you go ahead and head home for the night," said Dr. Ichimaru. Byakuya nodded and waved to Rukia. "Bye Rukia." "There's still more pain to come, don't get used to it..." she said. **

**When Byakuya arrived at his house, he parked the **_**Mercedes Benz, **_**and began his way up the steps. Byakuya opened the door and threw his keys on the counter. He took his shirt off and went to the stereo. He pressed a button on the stereo and then a button on the wall. A disco ball came down and music began to play. "Home sweet home," Byakuya said to himself.**


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 - **_**Babies, Love, and Chainsaws**_

"Wahhhhhh...Wahhhh..." the babies cried.

It was 2:00 o'clock in the morning and Byakuya was tending to the babies, so Rukia could get some sleep. Byakuya's eyes were full of sleep, but he couldn't go to sleep and leave the babies unattended to. He decided to go into the kitchen and get out one of those energy drinks that Rukia always drank. Byakuya popped the can open and began to sip the somewhat sweet beverage. Byakuya's eyes widened.

His tongue flipped in and out as he screamed the words, "Beep! Beep!" The babies stopped crying and began to look at Byakuya with amazement. Byakuya was doing a ballerina dance on top of the kitchen table. Then he began to do a tap dance.

"Hee hee...Hah hah..." the babies began to giggle at Byakuya's strange reactions to the energy drink.

Byakuya became dizzy from ballerina spins, fell off the table, and hit his head on a hanging skillet, before dropping to the ground. The noise from the skillet rang through the whole house. The sound of stomping noises upstairs frightened Byakuya. He quickly scooped up all the kids and fled to a nearby hall closet. The sound of the footsteps echoed through the door, and began to get louder and louder.

"Oh Byakuya... Where are you..." Rukia whispered from the living room.

The babies began to giggle. Byakuya quickly covered Himeka and Kairu's mouths. Realizing that he didn't have a third hand, Byakuya knew he was screwed...

"Hee hee..." Roxas began to giggle. Byakuya's heart went to his throat as the footsteps became louder and louder. He then realized Rukia was in front of the door. Rukia opened the door and began to question Byakuya angrily.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING MAKING ALL THIS NOISE!?" Rukia screamed.

The babies began to point at Byakuya and laugh at him.

"I thought ya'll were on my side?" Byakuya said the the three young ones.

Rukia picked up the babies and closed the door, and locked it, leaving Byakuya stuck in the closet.

"I'll be back for you in a couple of minutes," Rukia said to the closet door.

Sounds of crying mixed with "Boo-Hooing" muffled from the door as Rukia went and sat the babies in their beds. Rukia sung them a lullaby and they quickly went off to sleep.

Moments later, silence had filled the house, and each and every second of it added another tear to Byakuya's face. He knew there was going to be pain soon...very soon. Then Byakuya heard noises from the shed behind the house. Rukia was getting something to hurt Byakuya with, but Byakuya didn't know what.

"A rake?" Byakuya thought to himself. "That couldn't be it, she only hits me with the rake when shes not mad."

Byakuya was thinking many bad thoughts to himself before being interrupted by Rukia opening the door. Byakuya was stunned. Rukia was holding the "Mach Chopper 2000," a revolutionary chainsaw.

"Is that... the Mach Chopper 2000?" asked Byakuya with a frantic look on his face.

"Yes... coming to a store near you..." Rukia replied in a low voice."

Byakuya lunged under Rukia's legs and made a run for the door. As he fled outside, Rukia quickly checked on her babies, and ran out the door. As Byaluya ran around the house, looking for a good hiding spot, he spotted the old tree that was in the yard behind him. He went over to the tree and sat behind it, hoping Rukia would not find him. Suddenly, Byakuya heard the clattering of the chainsaw motor. The louder it got, the more scared Byakuya got. Byakuya faced the direction of the tree and covered his eyes. Then suddenly Byakuya heard the motor becoming really loud and then it got softer again, before feeling the vibrations of something falling on the ground. Byakuya opened his eyes. There was a tree stump, a fallen tree, and the evil glaring leer of Rukia's eyes all in front of him. Rukia held the chainsaw over her head and began to move it left and right.

"Here I come Nii-Sama!" cackled Rukia.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Byakuya as he barely dodged the saw.

"All I made was a noise that woke you up, why are you trying to kill me?"

Rukia lunged at him again before replying.

"I was having a very good dream, in case you have to know..." she replied.

"What was so good of a dream, that it could be dear to your brother's life?!" Byakuya asked.

"Me and you were having sex..." she then replied back to him.

"WHAT!? We could just have it again, what was so special about it then!?"

"YOU ACTUALLY KNEW WHAT A CONDOM WAS!"

Rukia began to chase Byakuya all the way around the house. Byakuya was about to go inside the house when suddenly Rukia dropped the chainsaw and lunged herself toward Byakuya catching his pants leg. He fell to ground. Rukia dragged Byakuya into the house and then upstairs. Rukia then threw Byakuya onto the bed.

"You ruined a perfectly good dream, now you're going to fix it."

Rukia tossed a small round piece of plastic towards Byakuya. Byakuya picked it up and read the packet. It read "Trojan Man." Rukia turned the lights off.


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7 - **_**You, Me, and Renji**_

"You are going to have to push harder!" Rukia said.

"I'm pushing as hard as I can!" replied Byakuya.

"Okay, lets continue this game once again."

Suddenly shaking noises come from Byakuya and Rukia's bedroom door.

"YES, YES, YES!!!!!!!!!"

Suddenly Renji walks in with duffle bags and sits them down in the doorway.

"What are you two doing!?" A sigh of relief went over Renji as he saw Rukia and Byakuya sitting on the bed with an easy bake oven, some tools, and two Yahtzee dice.

"Nevermind, I thought you two were doing something else, anyways, HI BYAKUYA FRIEND!"

Renji jumped up on the bed and began to roll the dice.

"Ummm, Renji, what are doing here?" asked Byakuya.

"I'm here on vacation!" said Renji as he looked down. "Oh my god! YAHTZEE!"

Rukia looked weirdly at Renji, then looked down. "Oh...Whatdya' know, he really did get Yahtzee."

Renji began to jump up and down on the bed. "THIS...IS...FUN...!"

"SHHHHHHH!" whispered Byakuya and Rukia, putting their index finger to their lips.

"You might wake the kids, quiet down," said Rukia.

"Ya'll are babysitting!? I love kids! LEMME SEE'EM!"

Rukia and Byakuya looked at eachother. "Lets break it to him nice and easy, but later, not now," Rukia told Byakuya. Byakuya began to get scared. He knew Rukia was going to become under pressure from Renji knowing about this, Rukia was most likely going to take her stress out on him.

"I'll take him to see the babies Rukia, you stay here."

"Follow me," said Byakuya. Rukia began to follow him out of the room.

Byakuya walked down the hallway and then pushed Renji to the wall, but not hard to make a noise. Byakuya looked to Rukia's bedroom door to make sure she wasn't coming.

"You got to get me out of here..." Byakuya whispered and an anxious look on his face.

"What, why?" replied Renji.

"I made a mistake, I knocked that bitch up and she won't give me the time of day, get me out of here," Byakuya said while trembling with fear.

"Ummm, Okay!" Renji and Byakuya went downstairs and headed to the door. Byakuya opened the door and saw the horrible evil...

"NII-SAMA! WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?" said Rukia, chainsaw in hand. Byakuya's head drooped down. He stared at the floor and walked in. He went and sat on the couch, when Renji began to speak.

"Thats what I thought," stated Rukia.

"Byakuya, why don't you just run from her?" asked Renji. Byakuya laughed, and cried at the same time, then he looked up at Renji.

"Let me tell you one thing about Rukia." Byakuya closed his eyes and then opened them. "There is no running away..."

Renji went and sat down on a lounge chair in the living room, while Rukia sat the chainsaw on the counter, just in case she has to use it again.

"Anyways, Renji, what are you doing here again?" asked Rukia.

"I am on Spring Break, and the college doesn't allow me to stay during the break because of cleaning reasons, so I thought I'd come visit my best friend Byakuya. I didn't expect to see you here Rukia, why are you here?"

"Should we tell him now Byakuya?" asked Rukia.

"Yeah," he replied.

"Remember, we don't want to scare him, tell him nice and calmly." Byakuya took a deep breath, and then his eyes grew wide. Byakuya looked left to right before he began to speak.

"I KNOCKED HER UP! IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! ITS BEEN HORRIBLE! THEEE THEE THERE WAS BAD THINGS LIKE HORMONES, PLUS SIGNS, PILLS, DISCO, RAINING DOGS!" Byakuya fainted. Suddenly the television came on and Abraham Lincoln began to speak.

"You done fucked up! You done fucked up! You done fucked up!" Abraham Lincoln began to repeat.

"Ummm, how could you have knocked her up, shes your sister." Renji's eyes became really big and he looked over at Rukia. Renji then fainted. Then Rukia fainted just to join the group.

"Why did you faint?" asked Renji.

"I didn't want to feel left out", she replied.

"Hey where did Byakuya go?" asked Renji.

Rukia's face began to feel with anger as she looked around, there was no Byakuya in sight. Then she glanced over to her left, the door was open. Rukia quickly jumped up and looked outside. She could see a small man in the distance, but it was really Byakuya, he appeared small because of the length between him and Rukia.

"Watch my babies!" said Rukia. Then she dashed out the door. Renji gained a strange look as he heard the words, watch my babies. He didn't know anything about childcare. He had to try, so he went upstairs to check on them.

Meanwhile, at the Byakuya/Rukia chase.

"GET BACK HERE!" yelled Rukia. This time, Byakuya wasn't going to stop. He knew he had a head start, and he wasn't going to let it go.

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OOC: So, what have you thought so far? I think I ended this chapter on the wrong point, but the next chapter really brings out the title a bit more. I also took a suggestion from my reviews and began to write the story differently. Please leave more reviews, and I will write a lot more. THANKS!


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8 - **_**Where's My Baby?**_

The sound of the door opening flushed a pile of relief upon Renji. Rukia had finally caught up with Byakuya and was now dragging in a poorly beaten, bruised, man into the house.

"WAHHHHHHH!" The babies were screaming as Rukia and Byakuya came in.

Renji ran downstairs holding 'two' babies in his hands with a scared and frantic look on his face, he clearly had been under some pressure.

"RUKIA!!! I'm so glad you're home, I could not get them to eat, sleep, or stop crying! HELP ME!" Renji screamed.

Rukia wasn't listening to a word that came out of Renji's mouth, she was scared because of her babies' cries. Rukia quickly gathered the babies from his hands and rocked them. Then they stopped crying, and she sat them down on the sofa, while mother instinct was kicking in. Rukia faced Renji and jacked him right in the jaw.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TORTURING MY BABIES!!!"

"I'm torturing them!? You have it backwards, they have been little demons!" Renji screamed.

Rukia then punched Renji in the mouth again. Renji's face then began to throb.

"DON'T EVER TALK ABOUT MY BABIES AGAIN!"

Renji was about to say something again, but then the throbbing of his jaw made him stop.

"Anyways, wheres Roxas?" Rukia asked.

"What's a Roxas?" asked Renji.

Rukia rushed up the stairs, but not before chaining Byakuya to the pillar near the kitchen counter. When Rukia reached the stop of the stairs she quickly turned right and went into the babies' room. With great haste, she searched the cribs and every nick and corner of the room. While Rukia was going crazy over the whereabouts of her baby, Renji was packing his things, and getting ready to leave.

"Renji! You can't leave me like this!" Byakuya screamed in despair while pulling on the chain.

"Sorry Byakuya, we may be friends..." Renji picked up his bags. "Every man for himself."

As Renji began to head for the door, Rukia was zooming down the stairs. Rukia's eyes were full of hatred and hate.

"RENJI! WHERE'S MY BABY!?"

Renji saw the distance between himself and Rukia becoming smaller and smaller, so he thought to himself... "CHEESE IT!"

Renji began to run out the door, but he didn't get far thanks to Rukia throwing a wrench to back of his head. Rukia dragged him into the house and began to think.

"WHAT IS IT WITH MEN!?" Rukia thought to herself.

Renji opened his eyes with a couple of blinks before they were fully open. Standing over him was Rukia with her favorite instrument of tree manipulation, and for her purposes, human mutilation. The Mach Chopper 2000, Rukia's lovely chainsaw, began to rumble and make loud buzzing noises.

"WHERE'S MY BABY! TELL ME, OR I WILL MAKE YOU LOSE SOMETHING DEAR TO YOU!" Rukia gestured the chainsaw toward the space between Renji's legs. Byakuya was happy for once. Not being the meat in Rukia's butcher act, made him feel some what safe... for now.

"I got both of your babies, I never knew you had a third one... I'm sorry."

Rukia turned the chainsaw off, and asked, "So, there was no third baby in the bedroom?"

"No, I'm sorry."

Rukia began to cry. She sat down on the sofa and tried to retrace her steps, to figure out what happened to the babies, but then she thought. Byakuya was the one who had tucked the babies in that night. Rukia directed her leer over to Byakuya and Byakuya's self happiness was lost.

"BYAKUYA! YOU BETTER KNOW WHERE ROXAS IS!"

Rukia began to walk toward Byakuya. Byakuya saw her coming and began to pull on the chain as if his arms were a machine. He pulled harder and faster, getting more scared and scared as Rukia made her way over to Byakuya. As Rukia made her steady walk over to the Kitchen, her hands drifted down to her sides. As she walked, her hand brushed over the handle of her chainsaw, made a step backwards, and gripped the handle tightly. Soon enough, Rukia was standing above Byakuya, similar to that of Renji's predicament a couple of minutes earlier. While Rukia prepared her painful yelling, Byakuya quickly got into a fetal position and started sucking his thumb. Rukia dropped the chainsaw and sat next to Byakuya on the floor.

"I'm not going to hurt you," said Rukia.

Byakuya's eyes began to fill with tears of joy, and he soon hugged Rukia.

"Yet..." she finished her sentence.

Byakuya looked up at her.

"If I hurt you now, you will be in too much pain to help me find the baby, and I know it wasn't your fault, because Roxas is very michievous," she told Byakuya.

"Then why did you say you were going to beat me up still?" asked Byakuya.

Rukia smiled. "Who else can I take my stress out on?"

Byakuya pointed at Renji.

Renji was sitting on the couch, watching their conversation, but when he saw Byakuya's finger pointing at him, his eyes focused on Rukia.

"NO! PLEASE NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Rukia dashed on top of Renji and pummeled him into the floor, there she unleashed a fury of fists to his pressure points and stood up. She was about to walk away, but instead she pulled her elbow in, patted the back of it twice, and lunged her elbow down to the ground right into Renji's back.

"Lets go retrace Roxas' steps."

Byakuya got up. He felt happy, that him and Rukia were doing something together that didn't involve sex or pain. He took a step over to Rukia to give her a hug, but forgot about the chain and fell on his face. There was pain after all...

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Sorry it has taken me a while to update, just had a bit of writer's block mixed with laziness, not to mention haven't been at my house for the past week, I'll get started on more Chapters soon as possible. LEAVE MANY REVIEWS PLEASE, AND TELL YOUR BLEACH FAN FRIENDS ABOUT THIS STORY! THANKS!!!


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9 - **_**Roxas on the Run**_

**[This chapter, I'm going to try some narration, tell me if you like it**

It was late night, and the blackness enveloped the entire city. The sounds of baby's laughter filled the air on the top of a house two houses away from Byakuya's house.

Roxas, who was wearing a giant wig, had begun to crawl anywhere it seemed possible to him, and in his mind, anything was possible. I suppose you're wondering how Roxas got on top of a house two blocks away, well I have two explanations.

One, hes Roxas.

For two,

he actually climbed out of the window while Renji was feeding Kairu and Himeka. He then jumped down and landed in a garbage can on the side of the house filled with leftover pancake scraps. Seeing as though the pancake scraps are soft, he landed easily. The trash can tipped over and out rolled the little baby along a pile of chewed pancake scraps. He then crawled through the yard until he came across the neighbor's yard. He went through the back yard and crawled on one end of a teeter-totter, stopped, and started picking his nose. Suddenly the noises of a woman from a window on the house began to loom through the air.

"I'm tired of you sitting on your lazy ass all day! You need to get a job instead of watching the stupid television 24/7!" said a woman.

"Honey, keep it down, your going to wake the kids. Also, I'll get a job, when you can grow some damn hair!" said a man."

"Me wearing a wig has nothing to do with this Zaraki! If you don't get a job, I'll make you uncomfortable..!" said the woman.

"I'm not getting a job and thats final!" replied the man.

Suddenly the woman picked up the television and made way for the window. She heaved the television out of the window way and dropped from the bedroom.

"Get rid of my T.V. will you, well I'll get rid of something of yours!"

At this time the television is hitting the opposite side of the teeter-totter, opposed to Roxas' location, and Roxas is now zooming into the air. Back upstairs in the bedroom with the woman and man...

The man got up and went over to the woman, who was still next to the windowsill. He grabs the wig off her head and throws it out the window. As the wig began to float down, something that was being shot up through the air, caught the wig by its hull and shot the wig up with it.

Roxas who was now wearing a wig, was beginning to slow down and gravity was taking its course. Roxas went down faster, and faster until he began to move horizontally. A hairpin fell out of the wig and latched onto Roxas' diaper and was now holding him to a power line. Roxas zipped down the line all the way to the end until he finally unlatched from the line, fell down near another house, and his diaper latched onto the end of a gutter. The end of the gutter began to bend and then swung downward in a 360 degree spin and Roxas was sent a couple of feet into the air, then landed with a soft pat ontop of a house nearby.

As Roxas made his adventure through the neighborhood, trouble was brewing at Byakuya's house.

"What do you mean I have to watch the kids again!" yelled Renji.

"We have to find Roxas and since you can keep up with two kids, its best you stay here while me and Byakuya go searching," replied Rukia.

Byakuya wasn't paying attention to the conversation between Renji and Rukia and instead was trying on a Sherlock Holmes outfit. He thought it made him look more like he was an investigator, and he was going to search for Roxas afterall. Rukia was finishing up with Renji and then got her very own Sherlock Holmes outfit on. Byakuya was actually surprised to see Rukia actually doing something random... something that well, Byakuya would do. Byakuya smiled and they both headed out the door. As they walked, Byakuya and Rukia both pulled out a pair of sunglasses and placed them on their heads.

"Lets do this thing..." Rukia said very serious like.

"I'm right behind you..." Byakuya stated.

Byakuya and Rukia made their way toward the concrete circle that centered between the houses.

"Where do we look first?" asked Byakuya.

"Idiot! We don't know exactly where he is to be looked for! I noticed that the window was open, so he shouldn't be too far from here," Rukia said angrily.

Rukia and Byakuya listened closely for the sound of the baby, but it was easily muffled by the screams of little boys getting raped by Michael Jackson and some man yelling at his wife.

"I can't hear nothing..." said Byakuya.

"Try harder!" said Rukia angrily.

They continued to listen and then Byakuya's eyes widened.

"Rukia, I hear something, it sounds like a baby."

"Follow the sound, I'll follow you."

Rukia and Byakuya moved swiftly and silently through the night grounds of the neighborhood and soon enough, they were at a tall white house full of the laughter of a baby.

"Help me up!" Rukia yelled at Byakuya.

Byakuya held his hands down for Rukia to place her feet in, and she then was pushed up to the roof.

"I'll wait down here til' you get him."

Rukia managed her way up the steep slopes of the roof until she was finally at the window. She looked in and then suddenly a 'pissy' mood came over her. It was their own house and Himeka and Kairu were playing.

"Found him yet?" asked Renji from the room towards the window.

"No..." replied Rukia.

"Hope you find'm soon," said Renji as he watched the kids.

As Rukia made her way back to Byakuya for pain inflictation, Renji was in for something he didn't want to face.

"What's that smell?!" Renji said in disgust.

Renji had just smelled a most horrifying smell he had ever smelt before. He smelled the lingering odor and followed it over to... Kairu.

"Oh God! Please don't tell me... y..y.you took a shit." Renji said while panicing.

"Me go poopy!" said Kairu.

"No...NO!!!...NOOOOOOOOOO!!!" yelled Renji.

By the time Renji's lament was over, Rukia had already practically twisted Byakuya like a noodle plus some bruises.

"You hear the sound of the baby, and you lead us back to our own house! I really don't see how my sister had married you! You're such an idiot!"

Byakuya was now in a fetal position from loss of self-esteem.

"Anyways, lets get going! We got to find that that baby!" screamed Rukia.

Rukia and Byakuya continued their search until Byakuya heard a noise, and this time it was definitely Roxas, he could tell.

"RUKIA! I heard him, and this time I'm sure!" Byakuya said in a loud whisper.

"Okay, I'll follow you." she replied.

Byakuya took Rukia over the southern hill of the neighborhood over the houses near Dr. Ichimaru's house. They quietly walk over through his lawn silently as to not wake him up and get into another one of his 70's flashback speeches.

"Hey! Long time no see!" said a familiar voice.

Dr. Gin Ichimaru was now standing on his balcony... in the nude...with mascara and eye liner... and fanning himself with a feather fan.

"You two looking for a good time?" said the erotic, yet disturbing looking doctor.

"No..no... It's okay, we're just on our way... for... non-sexual errands..." said Rukia as if she were scared.

"Heh... right at this time? Its one in the morning..." said the naked doctor.

Gin then began to rub himself all over as if he was having an orgasm.

"Oh God... Can't look..." said Byakuya in disgust.

"We'll be going now." said Rukia and she began to tiptoe away.

"Ungh ungh uh! Not so fast my little cupcakes, you're not going anywhere!"

Gin snapped his fingers and suddenly two guards went and captured Rukia and Byakuya.

"Let go of us!" they both shouted in unison, but it had already been done.

Strange things happened to Rukia and Byakuya that faithful night, some so horrible and strange, I cannot even type in this 'M' rated fanfiction, but somehow they lived and escaped, but the reason for this paragraph is to let you know that bad things happened to them... Zzzz...ZZz... wha? What? Oh yeah, back to the story.

It was now 11:00 AM, and Byakuya and Rukia had just arrived back from Gin's house. Rukia opened the door and they both walked in. Rukia's hair was all messed up and frizzed as if she had made out with someone for a very long time, and Byakuya looked as if... he were a dead squirrel and his mom had died.

"Byakuya..." Rukia moaned.

"What sister?" replied Byakuya.

"Lets not tell no one about this, I'll call the cops and tell them to find Roxas." said Rukia.

Rukia made her way over the the phone while Byakuya went over to the couch to sit down. He sat down and quickly stood back up from a sharp pain on his ass. Rukia was now at the phone about to dial when Renji walked into the living room holding Roxas.

"Hi guys! Roxas came back last night while you were..." His sentence was ended by Rukia tackling Renji to the ground and claiming her baby back into her arms.

"Yeah...right... Byakuya, I also made some pancakes, there on the table if you like." said Renji.

"WOOT! Pancakes!"

Byakuya rushed over to the kitchen table and then became angry.

"These pancakes haven't been properly mixed and are misshapened!"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..." said Renji.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" yelled Byakuya.

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**Still sorry about the not updating thing, just check your emails until I can get up to pace again, thank you for the Reviews!**


	11. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10 - **_**I (Beep) Love (Boop) You (Whirrr...)**_

Two months passed since the last time we've watched over Byakuya, Rukia, and the three "munchkins," but I believe it's about time we've had a visit... Otherwise how else will Byakuya get tortured... and in the end, isn't that what we all really wanted from the beginning?

...Kuchiki House

Rukia, Current Status: Dominant

Byakuya, Current Status: Recessive (AKA, Her Bitch)

Kaoru, Himeka, and Roxas, Current Status: Neutral

_He began rubbing on the crevices at the roof of her thighs and continued towards that sweet beauty... So close, and should he take it? He sonders back up to her lips and kissed her gently before returning back to the prize down below. _Byakuya rubbed the sweat from his forehead._ He edged closer with his tongue and then..._

"Nii-Sama!" Rukia interrupted Byakuya's reading, "What the hell is this!?" she asked while snatching the 'oooooo Durdy!' novel from his hands.

"Just reading a novel," Byakuya lied, rolling his eyes like he didn't know what was going on.

"This is the fourteenth time this week I caught you reading _Organic Orgies_ this week! You don't want another intervention do you!?" She went on.

"God no..." Byakuya admitted.

"Good, now go check on the kids while I start dinner," she commanded him as if he were her lacky.

"Fine..." Byakuya muttered and did as he was told.

Byakuya went down the hall and began climbing the steps to do what Rukia had thought to be "checking on the kids," but he really had something else in mind.

Once Byakuya had reached the top of the stairs and took a few steps and faced himself left. In front of him was a statue of a demon's head with two horns. He grasped his hand onto the right horn and pulled down. Suddenly, you could hear a small grinding noise and then the floor under Byakuya's feet opened up and Byakuya dropped and began shooting through a hidden underground shaft tunnel. He kept going and going... and going. Byakuya took a look at his Spongebob watch. After about 7 minutes, the shaft came to an end and Byakuya landed comfortable into a chair.

Byakuya rolled his chair over to a door that was labelled, "THE MOST HELLISH LAB IN THE UNIVERSE." He opened the door and continued end. Then Byakuya squealed with glee as he entered the Hello Kitty decorated lab. The computers, chairs, tiles, roof, and just about everything else was manufactured by Hello Kitty decorations.

Byakuya rolled his chair up to the main computer and began typing some type of file access address. Suddenly a 3-D web came up on the big screen in the shape of Byakuya.

"Excellent... MUAHHAHAHAHHAA MUAHAAAA cough cough" Byakuya began and then choked. He quickly pressed a button and a pressure sealed drawer opened up and its contents contained a Hello Kitty Pancake Syrup flavored Energy Drink. Byakuya gladly took the drink and began to guzzle the holy nectar. He then continued with the computer process that his unsuccessful cackle had interrupted.

--

Author: Let me interrupt, I'm pretty sure at the moment, you are currently in one of those "WTF OMG LOL BBQ?" moments... I'd like to tell you what Byakuya's been doing for the past 2 months.

Byakuya had gotten tired of being Rukia's bitch and used some of his Royal Family's money to fund a lab that he could use to escape Rukia. He then began Bio-Mechanical research on models of the human body. His subject... Himself. He then began working on a almost realistic robot copy of himself and it was now the day he would use it.

Got it now? No? Keep reading, :)

--

Byakuya typed a couple more addresses and pressed a big button on the lab table in the shape of a kitty. Then all of a sudden, the roof of the lab opened up and down came a platform with another... Byakuya...

"Up you," Byakuya commanded.

Suddenly the replica's eyes opened and it stood upward.

"Computer, trigger casual greeting command," Byakuya told the computer.

"As you wish Mr. Jefferson," the computer replied.

"sigh I just love it when she says that," Byakuya told himself.

As the computer triggered the command, the replica began to speak.

"I want chicken! I want liver! Meow-Mix, Meow-Mix, please deliver!" the replica went on.

Byakuya began to ponder over his creation and began to speak.

"Hes...Hes...PERFECT!!" Byakuya shourted with glee and hugged the robot.

"Yaoi Overload Self-Destruct sequence activated!" the replica began to speak, "10, 9, 8..."

Byakuya's eyes opened wide and grabbed the nearest Hello Kitty doll and dove for cover on the other side of the lab.

"2, 1, beep"

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM followed by a fireworks shell.

"I'm glad I installed that extra feature," Byakuya was happy with himself. Byakuya suspected something like this would happen, so...

"Send down the second copy!" Byakuya commanded and sure enough another replica came off from the lift.

"Rukia, you are my master, and I am your bitch, hurt me please," the replica spoke and pulled out a whip from nowhere and began to offer it to the real Byakuya.

"This one is perfect!" Byakuya said and guided it to another shoot. Once the replica was under the shoot, Byakuya pressed a button and it was sent sky high back into the Kuchiki manor where it would continue life as himself.

Byakuya then began to pack some spare clothes that he kept in his lab and went to another shoot and zoomed down it. When he reached the bottom of the shoot, it was really dark.

"I don't remember this..." Byakuya spoke to himself.

He fiddled his hands around in the pitch black air and he found some sort of switch. He pulled it. As soon as the light illuminated the room, Byakuya was very aware of a sadistic looking Michael Jackson that was staring him down in the face. He quickly pressed a button on the wall and the shoot sucked him back up.

"COMPUTER, HAVE PRESSURE LOCKS CLOSE THIS SHOOT! PERMANENTLY!" Byakuya commanded.

"Yes Mr. Jefferson," the computer spoke.

"Sweet..." Byakuya thought to himself.

Byakuya took his clothes and went to the RIGHT shoot this time and jumped down.

As he continued to ride the shoot, it then turned upwards and the shoot shot him up until he was outside the Kuchiki house. Byakuya put his ear to where the kitchen was on the house and listened.

"AHHHHHHHHH, RUKIA, NO!! NO!!" the replica screamed. Byakuya's plan was working... He ran down the street and began to yell.

"Taxi! Taxi!!" Byakuya went on and suddenly a yellow sedan pulled up to the side of the street and Byakuya happily accepted the ride and got into the car.

"Where to?" the cab driver asked.

"The airport," Byakuya replied.

"Okay, but theres one problem..." the cab driver said.

"What?" Byakuya asked. Then suddenly the bald cab driver turned around in his seat and looked at Byakuya.

"You're in the CASH CAB!!" the man shouted.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Byakuya screamed like a little girl.

"Ummmmm, if you want to stay in here, I'm going to ask you not to do that again... Every..." the cab driver said solemnly.

"Sorry, I love this show!" Byakuya said, hyped with joy.

"Anyways, your name is?" the cab driver.

"Byakuya Kuchiki," Byakuya happily replied.

"Well Byakuya, you have 44 blocks to make as much money as possible,"

"WOOT!" Byakuya 'wooted'.

Twenty minutes later.

"I can't believe I got that question wrong! Everyone knows the capitol of Rhode Island is Rhode Island City!" Byakuya shouted to himself, mad at the stupid game.

Byakuya continued inside the airport and went to the receptionist.

"One-way ticket to the Bahamas," Byakuya told her...

_**6 Days later...**_

"Would you like another margarita Byakuya?" a lady asked Byakuya.

"Yes please," Byakuya said as he adjusted his sunglassed and positioned himself more comfortable on the lounge chair as he staired at the shoreline.

"Byakuya, you have a visiter," the woman said.

"What?" Byakuya said confused.

"Hello Nii-Sama..." Rukia said as she walked in.

"Rukia, what are you doing here," Byakuya asked.

"I came to pay my little escapee a visit, in pain..." Rukia said as she pulled out her trademark Mach Chopper 6500 MX.

"You got an upgrade!?" Byakuya said astonished.

"Yep!" She continued and began to charge at Byakuya.

"WAIT A MINUTE!" Byakuya halted Rukia.

"What?" she asked.

"What about Byakuya-Bot? He'll go crazy without another Rukia there," Byakuya said.

"I built a Rukia-Bot..." she said.

"Oh... YOU DID WHAT?" Byakuya screamed.

_**Back at the Kuchiki house...**_

"PUT YOUR FLOPPY DISK IN MY HARD-DRIVE, BYAKUYA-BOT!"

"IT'S CRASHING!!"

"REBOOT! REBOOT!"

_**-Chapter End**_

Sorry it took me so long to update, I kinda got out of the writing thing. I'm mainly updating because a friend wanted me too... After a year of asking. ENJOY!


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